You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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