I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
