She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
