i just had sex bonerless
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have tasted many bathrooms
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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