i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
His nipple licking is glorious
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