just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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