Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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