we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
