so explain again why im purple
no
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
