when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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