My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
