Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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