the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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