Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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