I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
