He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
