zippers are such a cool invention
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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