I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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