okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
