I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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