I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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