i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
