I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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