ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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