I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
