I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
