the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
