well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
