People in love make me want to vomit
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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