maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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