It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
