i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
