That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
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i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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