He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
