i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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