My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
