come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
