I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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