everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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