do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
