i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
