6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
