i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
