just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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