I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
