So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
