Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
