what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
