I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
