Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
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MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
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You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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