i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
