I'm sorry my penis didn't work
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
