who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
