remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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