WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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