Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That accounts for only three of the penises
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
