She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
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If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.