glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
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the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".