It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.