Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.