I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.