also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.