I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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