Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
