I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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