C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
