Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
