actually, I'm a sock model
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
