margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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